Handling Conflict
January 16, 2019
If you’re like me, you don’t necessarily thrive on conflict. Conflict may be interesting in TV shows and the movies. For me, the greater the tension, the less able I am to watch. We get too emotionally invested in the characters. We can’t wait to see how the tension resolves. When it does resolve, we turn off the TV, or leave the movie theater, and it’s over. In real life, conflict is not always resolved in a neat 1-2 hour window. My wife had conflict with the checkout clerk at last night at JC Penney because they advertise 25% off if you sign up to receive their emails, and then when you sign up, they say it’s not valid until your next purchase. Don’t you hate that!? That was a two minute conflict. Usually, conflict lasts much longer, is much harder to resolve, is much more painful, and causes us worry and sleepless nights. Because usually we have an ongoing relationship with the person, we might choose to keep the peace unless there is no alternative. Conflict is a part of life. Avoiding it normally only makes it worse. Like pressure and stress, the only way to survive conflict is to learn how to handle it.
There is plenty of conflict in the Bible. I’m reading Exodus now. When God called Moses to go tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites go, Moses did everything he could to get out of that assignment. He said he was not eloquent and slow of speech. He said that they wouldn’t believe that God had sent him. He said that he needed some kind of sign to show them that God had sent him. After God answered all of Moses’ protests, all out of objections, Moses simply begged God, “Please send someone else!” Moses knew that the assignment to free the Israelites would cause him to bump heads with the most powerful man in the world. He was terrified. Clashing with Pharaoh could easily result in his death or enslavement. Moses asked God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt.” God’s answer is in Exodus 3:12 is THE answer to handling conflict. God said, “I will be with you.”
The answer to how we handle conflict is so simple. We may not have the strength in ourselves to handle the conflict. We may be outnumbered and overmatched, but God’s incredible power goes with us. God said, “I will be with you.” In Moses’ case, we know how the story ends. God sent ten plagues on Egypt until Pharaoh finally let the Israelites go. Then Pharaoh changed his mind and pursued the Israelites as far as the Red Sea to either kill them or capture them and bring them back to Egypt. Moses and the Israelites were pinned against the Red Sea and it seemed like curtains for them. Then God parted the Red Sea by the hand of Moses and the Israelites escaped on dry land. When the Egyptians tried to cross, the sea fell onto them. God proved Himself faithful and true to Moses. He was with Moses.
Does that story translate to you and me? When Jesus was about to be taken up to heaven, the last thing He said to the apostles was this: “Go therefore and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I commanded you and lo, I will be with you always, even to the end of the age.” Before He left His disciples, He promised to send to them the Holy Spirit, “who will never leave you.” (John 14:16). For most of us in our everyday lives, conflict is the result of disagreement with our boss, spouse, child or parent or friend. It comes in forms too numerous to count. Does Jesus’ promise matter in those conflicts? I believe that it does. Think about how Jesus lived. His life was full of conflict with the religious leaders of Israel. Jesus was never flustered. He asked questions. He told stories. He helped people understand his point of view even if they refused to agree with it.
Whenever you are about to enter into a conflict, pray. Remind Jesus of His promise to be with you. His Holy Spirit will give you the words to speak. Listen to the person you are having conflict with, but listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit too. Don’t speak until you are certain that you have heard from Him. Learn from Jesus. Ask questions, tell stories. Trust His promises. I’m a long way from having these principles mastered. That said, I can recount several times that I have experienced peace by resolving conflict while relying on the Holy Spirit’s wisdom, and fist fights when I have relied on my own. Seriously. Conflict resolution is a whole lot easier when we rely on His divine wisdom, rather than our human wisdom. Sometimes, God won’t let us go around conflict, but He has promised to be with us in it.
